Sample 2 - Carnegie Mellon University College Experience Essay

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I want my college experience to be filled with opportunities to apply my education in the real world— to be switching between the classroom and my community.

Throughout college, I want to explore the intersection between politics and economics. To pursue my interest, the Dietrich College of Humanities and Social Sciences’ Institute for Politics and Strategy intrigues me with electives like Sustainability, Energy, and Environmental Economics and The Future of Warfare. The careers available to me after completing a B.S. in Economics and Politics such as nonprofit advocacy and government positions align with my goal to improve public policy and welfare.

The Tepper School of Business engages me with its encouragement for startups through alumni connections and its Innovation & Entrepreneurship Minor. Its resources of Project Olympus and Swartz Center for Entrepreneurship forward my goal to combine social sciences research and business to address real-world challenges. I am excited to collaborate with their alumni, faculty, business model resources, and market research coaches.

CMU’s wealth of student clubs inspires me to be engaged on campus. I’m drawn to the Undergraduate Entrepreneurship Association and Scottie Ventures clubs that provide networking boot camps and venture capital workshops. The Oakland Review also attracted my attention with vibrant illustrations and stylistic layouts. As a school magazine editor myself, I value sharing diverse ideas and look forward to participating in a student publication. I want to help enhance campus voices and add my own to the mix at CMU.

I hope that by my graduation, I have experienced several internships and changed my perspective on social sciences. A fulfilling college experience will include opportunities to interact with the experts in the fields I pursue and the communities I hope to impact.

Prompt: Many students pursue college for a specific degree, career opportunity or personal goal. Whichever it may be, learning will be critical to achieve your ultimate goal. As you think ahead to the process of learning during your college years, how will you define a successful college experience?

My image of a successful college experience is filled with community engagement as I gain an education to serve others. I’ll apply my learning experience to business projects, volunteering, and student organizations by switching between classroom and industry.

The Tepper School of Business attracts me with its encouragement for startups through alumni connections and its Innovation & Entrepreneurship minor. I admire Tepper’s flexibility in providing concentrations like Global Economics and Business. Giving students time to explore and narrow down their interests provides me an opportunity to specialize and succeed in my passions. I’m eager to take hands-on courses on acquiring venture funding and pushing out prototypes. As I build on those foundations, I can create a venture meaningful to others, such as addressing food insecurity through new farm distribution channels or an organization aiding nonprofit funding campaigns.

Project Olympus incubator and Swartz Center for Entrepreneurship forward my goal to actively turn my ideas into reality by helping me identify markets and network with investors with opportunities like the Maker Workshop. I’m drawn to CMU’s student organizations like the Undergraduate Entrepreneurship Association and Scottie Ventures, which provide networking bootcamps and investment workshops.

The Dietrich College Institute for Politics and Strategy intrigues me with courses like ECO 73427 Sustainability, Energy, and Environmental Economics, and 84-605 The Future of Warfare. Outside of classes, opportunities like the Meeting the Minds Symposium give me a venue to be inspired by campus research and innovations, gaining new perspectives on how others use research to investigate. By facilitating transparency of information, more social progress can be made.

From my classes, I’ll apply what I learn as a volunteer or intern for local nonprofits like Rebuilding Together Pittsburgh. With a fulfilling college career, my perspective on entrepreneurship, civil engagement, and social sciences will be expanded.

Already a very strong start! I really like how this applicant expressed their interests clearly, reinforcing both their passion while connecting it to the university. However, while one must make themselves stand out in your overall application, they also have to demonstrate that the school is meant to be a good fit for them as well. So my main critique of this essay is that it is still too general- more specifics will always help convey your sense of interest in the university.

Just from the first paragraph, the essay is already stronger. The "answer" to the prompt- whereas "apply[ing] my education in the real world" is a very general statement, but now it has a stronger direction. Throughout the essay, we used more specific traits of CMU's business school, emphasized student organization involvement, and some interesting classes as well. This essay is a great example of what an answer to a "Why College" prompt should look like.

This anonymous applicant is now attending UC Berkeley, but was also admitted to Carnegie Mellon University.